Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Most Interesting Man in The World

Jayson Werth
Jayson Werth  Is The Most Interesting Man In The World

In Philadelphia, Jayson Werth is viewed as the Most Interesting Man in the World.  His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.  He once hit a baseball 615 feet, with his fist.  In the minor leagues, he was tossing a no-hitter going into the ninth, only to have it broken up by himself.  He once hit a single, just to see how it feels.
Jayson Werth

PHOTO CAPTION: A composite sketch of what Jayson Werth will look like in 40 years
How can you let this kind of talent walk away from your franchise?  This is the question that Phillies fans will be debating for the rest of the season.  Werth is going to demand a large sum of money this offseason when his contract expires and the chances Philadelphia retains his services seem to be very slim.  Especially, with Ryan Howard just signing his monster deal last month.  Is there any money left?
In the winter of 2007, he wrestled an American Bison at Great Bear Lake.  Two days later he provided his teammates with new baseball gloves, which he made out of the bison’s skin.  Under his beard, is another beard.  Zeus and Poseidon read baseball myths about him.  He once hit a double in the gap, knocking himself in.  He doesn’t consider it ‘stealing a base,’ he’s taking back what’s rightfully his.
Jayson Werth

PHOTO CAPTION: Jayson Werth once visited the Virgin Islands, now they’re just called The Islands
There has to be money left.  The Phillies can’t afford to lose all of his production from their lineup.  Currently, he is second on the team in homeruns (7), and first in RBIs (25), and batting average (.349).  Last year he hit 36 homeruns and knocked in 99.  It will be very hard to replace those numbers.  Especially, when he is the only right-handed hitter in the middle of the lineup.  And I haven’t even spoken about his defense yet.
He is the only right fielder to ever toss a man out at home plate in Pittsburgh, throwing from Philadelphia.  He once caught a baseball at the fence that also counted as a touchdown, and both feet were in.  The warning track is not for him, it’s to warn the wall he’s coming.  He plays ‘right’ field, because he’s never been wrong.  He doesn’t dive for baseballs, he temporarily flies.
Jayson Werth

PHOTO CAPTION: Chuck Norris once borrowed Werth’s beard to wear in a movie
I truly believe that Jayson Werth will be back next year in Philadelphia.  The amazing feats and talents that I have revealed in this article can’t be denied.  An organization won’t let a man like this go to New York or Boston.  Furthermore, a man like this won’t want to go to a place like New York or Boston.  Jayson is part of Philadelphia like Philadelphia is part of him.  The Phillies front office will find a way.  Even if it means changing the city’s name to Werthadelphia.